Today is a New Day

Today is a New Day

It’s been so long since I've updated this blog that I had forgotten it even existed. At my outset, I had been eager to keep a running journal of my thoughts and my life via this page. However, I’m afraid that my desire to compose essays rather than genuine ‘journal’ pieces has kept me from setting aside the time to produce something acceptable for consumption.

Today that all changes. It’s my intention to regularly contribute my thoughts and ideas whether they be grammatically sound and edited six times or not. As my initial goal was to treat this as a cathartic outlet, I feel it is only fair I give it one more shot.

So where to begin?

The day that I composed my first post I was nervous, excited and unsure of my future. Today, I am the same. It’s funny how we believe that certain events in our lives will somehow give us more clarity on who we are and what we want. At times this holds true, but most times these events just bring us more questions and desires and goals to be answered and fulfilled.

More than two years ago, after starting this blog, I packed everything in my life that I could fit into a van and I drove away from what was familiar to me. Leaving my family and friends and the comforts of my little cottage was one of the most difficult and simultaneously exhilarating experiences of my life.

To try and detail my life abroad for the past two years in one post would be a fruitless undertaking. I thought perhaps, instead I would share some things I have learned along the way in both my lifetime and my travels.

Loneliness is what you make of it. Commonly perceived as a negative emotion – and at times truly is – loneliness is something that you quickly learn to appreciate for a variety of different reasons.

Particularly because there is a variety of different forms of loneliness to be felt.

I suppose the most obvious place to start is human contact, or simply socializing in general. I happened to be lucky enough to have my dog with me. For a very long time it was just her and I. Transitioning from a hyper social to a completely solitary life can be a tremendously difficult experience emotionally and having my dog to talk to and be somewhat ‘social’ with made an incredible amount of difference.

Nothing can replace the familiarity of your closest friends. I am an outgoing individual and I’m lucky enough to meet new people daily in my everyday life. However, it took returning home and walking into my best friend’s house to fully grasp how it feels to truly be surrounded by home.

You see, loneliness can be geographically based as well. Spending endless amounts of time in strange and new locations can be the loneliest feeling of all. Getting lost, truly and utterly lost, is one of the most humbling experiences of my life. The fear and desperation and despair that you feel at your complete inability to help yourself is indescribable.

This leads to another form of loneliness – support. Traditionally I am a relatively self sufficient person. I was raised to be responsible for myself and I rarely rely on anyone for anything based on the sheer discomfort it causes me to do so. However, the few times I have truly needed someone in my life, I’ve always been able to call my father or Travis. When you’re 5000km away from these people, you have a jarring realizing that you are truly alone.

All of these examples I have provided sound negative, I’ll admit. But if you simply look at them in a different light you can see why I began this topic with a positive tone.

Despite popular belief, you do not become bat-shit crazy after spending hours and hours and days and days alone. In fact I’d be inclined to argue the opposite. Solitude gives you the opportunity to actually stop and listen to what’s going on in your head and your heart . Once you can appreciate how much is going on in there that you distort and drown out with television, social media and other forms of crap, you learn to truly appreciate solitude.

Being new places is exciting. It also allows you to never really be mad about traffic because you have no idea how long it should take to normally get there. I will admit that sometimes it is just nice to know where you’re going and the fastest route to take. Eventually you come to terms with your geographic failings and you just accept that until you’re willing to call somewhere home, you are always going to feel a little bit lost.

Being lost and alone or having your vehicle broken into, or simply sleeping alone in a tent in an unfamiliar wilderness are all incredibly lonely experiences the first time around. Conversely, finding your way home, and waking up the next morning un-mauled by bears are some of the greatest moments that life has to offer - true independence and validation that you can do it alone. You can survive and indeed you can have a little fun doing it.

In the years since I left my home, and started this blog, I have grown and changed as a human being. I am more self aware, I can say no when I truly mean it, and I do what makes me happy, not what I feel will make others approve of me.

Moving away has brought me freedom from the pain in my past that I thought I could never escape. The distance from the places and people that made all those memories in my life so prevalent has allowed me to distance my heart from them, make sense of things that didn't make sense back home and to let go of the things that I can’t change or understand.

Albeit I am also missing out on the great things at home, my family, my friends and my past life. I feel as though when I am here, every day is a new day filled with possibility for me. I am not held back by my past life experiences, instead I am set free by the possibilities of my future.

Am I happier since I left home and started a new life? I guess it depends on what day you ask me. Overall, my life has changed for the positive. I still don’t know who I am, or where I am going in this world, but I feel like I am starting to learn finally. Being true to myself and staying strong against whatever obstacles I encounter has been my goal since leaving. I feel like I’ve stayed true to that. Would I like things to start getting easier? Sure. Am I ready to start sharing my life with people again? I think so.

Today  is a new day and I welcome it with open arms.